The Sonic Anime: My Version!
by Nintendo Maximus
Summary: In this parody of the Sonic OVA, Dr. Robotnik sends Sonic and Tails to Robotropolis to prevent a Big Boom and activate Metal Sonic, or something like that. Oh, and the President's daughter whines a lot.
1. Journey to The City That Robotnik Owns

_**Note From the Editor/Author:** Due to the original version of this fanfic being removed for this website due to having been written in script format, I have taken the liberty of rewriting the entire story in story format. Personally, I think this fanfic works better in its original format, but please try to enjoy anyway!_

**Disclaimer:** If I owned the original Sonic Anime (which is owned by Sega, Taki Cor., and ADV Films), it would've been more well-written, and Sara would've been a more likable girl.

**Author's Note:** I'll say this clearly - I don't like the Sonic Anime much. I guess it's because I prefer the American-written AoSTH and SatAM shows over the Japanese-produced "Sonic X". (And considering that the US Sonic cartoons were made by DiC Entertainment, that's really saying something.) While this anime marks Knuckles' animated debut, and the only cartoon to feature Metal Sonic, I just don't like the whiny character of Sara. Amy Rose and Cream the Rabbit are rather whiny themselves, but at least they don't whine every minute of screen time like Sara does. Anyway, it's for this reason I've written my own script for the Sonic Anime OVA, which you can buy at Best Buy for $9.99, if you care.

* * *

Lights came on in a very dark room. In the middle of this big computerized room was a floating Metal Sonic. 

In the shadows, Dr. Robotnik spoke as he watched his creation floating in front of him. "At last, you're almost complete, Hyper Metal Sonic! Once I've captured Sonic's essential DNA, I can get you to kill him, and then... I'LL GO ON NATIONAL TELEVISION!"

He laughed manically as Metal Sonic's eyes started glowing in the dark.

**Sonic The Hedgehog  
The Anime Movie  
MY VERSION!**

**(Er, "my" meaning Nintendo Maximus...)**

Somewhere in the sky, an owl was driving some kind of rocket-powered plane. He was driving it rather slowly, I might add. I don't know why he wasn't just flying by himself, considering his species. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that his species was supposed to be asleep at that hour.

The sequence then changed it focus to some sort of floating island. There was a big canyon with some kind of abandoned rocketship stuck in it. On the beach in front of that ship-bearing mountain, Sonic the Hedgehog rested himself in his favorite beach chair. It was a pretty beautiful day outside, so he had good reason to be sitting there looking like he was trying to get a tan, rather than zooming around like he usually did. Never mind that he was an abnormal-colored hedgehog.

Just then, his more capable sidekick, Mile Prowers, better known as Tails, came running out of the ship, carrying a bodyboard and speaking with a voice that made him sound like he had a cold. "Hey Sonic! Check this out! I made us a jet-propelled bodyboard! Wanna try it out?"

"Nah, you know how the sea and I don't get along." Sonic spoke in a voice that sounded like he came from Britain.

"Fine, be that way." Tails headed off into the water.

"Anyway, you oughta stay out of the water with a cold like that." Sonic turns on his radio, and it starts playing rock music.

Tails started up his bodyboard and started zooming around in the water, laughing like he was on crack. All the while, he continually splashed Sonic. Sonic growled and lifted his sunglasses.

"Look at me, Sonic!" Tails shouted. "The water can be fun!"

"I told you to stay out of the water!" Before he could take a rest again, Sonic suddenly heard some sort of crash. He looked and saw a stream of water coming from Tails' jets in the distance. At least, that's what it looked like. "Aaaaaah, screw it." And he attempted to continue his rest.

"Sonic! Get me out of this mess!" Tails whined. "You know how I'm so accident-prone!"

Sonic twitched ear, then jumped and screamed, "I SAID, SCREW IT!" But he was suddenly knocked out of his chair by the owl's rocket-plane, which Tails was yelling about.

Using his two tails, Tails flew over to his idol. "Sonic? Are you alright, Sonic?"

Sonic got up and rubbed his nose. "Of course I'm alright. But wait'll I get my hands on whoever just broke my chair."

"Howdy, Sonic!" the old owl yelled from his plane. "I have something to tell you."

"Oh, it's that stupid Oldman again." Sonic scoffed. "Why'd the President get such an incompetent messenger?"

"Sonic! He's in deep shit!" said Tails. "We gotta get him out!"

"Forget it! He wrecked my beach chair; he can get himself out of his deep shit!"

"Oh, you're such a party pooper!" Tails flew after Oldman's plane. "Just 'cause I'm a sidekick doesn't mean I can't help! Sir!" he yelled as he caught up with the plane.

"Oh, hello, Tails," said Oldman. "I've got some important news for Master Sonic."

"Put it aside; your stupid rocket's burning up!" said Tails.

Oldman looked at the burning rockets. "Really? I thought my air conditioner was broken!"

"Well, try to stay on track while I get it fixed!" Tails was suddenly blasted a foot away by the flames. "Aaaaagh! Stupid jet! Mess with me, huh!" He continued to fly after Oldman's rocketplane, which then proceeded to knock down Sonic and his beach chair again. After quite some time, Tails jumped on the wing to straighten the plane.

"Fancy straightening!" commented Oldman.

"Yeah, I somehow learned it while practicing on my bodyboard!" said Tails.

Oldman laughed. "Good thing, too!"

Tails looked forward. "Uh..."

"What's up now?"

"Look out!"

"What the hell do you..." Oldman focused his glasses and saw what Tails was trying to point out. They were heading for a cliff.

Tails let out a little girl scream. "_Sonikku!_"

Sonic had been trying to set up his chair again when he suddenly heard Tails' yelp. Finally springing into action, he ran onto the cliff and hit the plane. But miraculously, he, Tails, and Oldman escaped unharmed.

"_Merci,_ Sonic!" said Tails. "_Merci!_"

Sonic winked. "Wrong guy."

Later, on the shore, Oldman was weeping horribly as Sonic and Tails stared at him.

"Isn't it past your bedtime, Oldman?" Sonic had a nearby crab pinch the blind animal. "Oldman, you'd better have a good reason for wrecking my chair twice in one hour!"

"Well, I'm sorry to have wrecked your chair, Mr. Sonic." Oldman said, speaking to a rather tall blue flower nearby. "It's not like I knew you'd be picking today to lay on the beach for no particular reason! Besides, I'm an owl! It's not like I can see good in the day!"

"Sir, weren't you trying to bring us some news?" Tails asked.

"Well, it's got something to do with the boss. He..." Oldman suddenly realized he was talking to a flower, and then responded by rushing up to another blue flower and talking to it. "Uhhh... the President..."

"...Has some beer waiting for us at his house!" guessed Sonic.

"Yes! Yes! I think that's it."

"Y'know, you should've told us that on the phone."

Oldman sweatdropped. "Bite me. I don't have one."

In about 30 seconds, Sonic & Tails readied up their biplane, the Tornado. Down below, Oldman stupidly waved in the wrong direction.

"Oldman!" Sonic called. "Make sure no one takes our chili dog stash!"

"Righto, sir!" said Oldman. "I'll make you a good one!"

"No, you won't." Sonic turned to Tails. "Wanna do it to it?"

"Yeah!" Tails revved up the engines and got the plane running.

"See you later, nicetimes!" Oldman laughed as they flew off into the distance.

0-0-0

Later, inside the Presidential House on South Island...

"Well, Mr. President, aside from the booze," Sonic asked, "what'd you call us up for?"

The chair behind the desk swiveled around, revealing Dr. Robotnik. "There's no booze here at all, Sonic. But it's good to see you again."

"Dr. Robotnik!" Tails stated the obvious.

"Thank you for not calling me Eggman. Sic 'em, boys!" Robotnik commanded.

Two gun-toting SWATbots appeared behind Sonic and Tails, but were quickly wasted.

"For that kind of thanks, you could've at least given us chili dogs." Sonic prepared to spin-dash at Robotnik.

"No, Sonic, don't do it!" said a voice behind him. The camera turned to reveal the so-called President of Mobius, who could stand to lose some weight, and his daugther Sara, who could stand to get a better voice. They were both being held captive by SWATbots. "Sonic, Robotnik is invading the planet capitol for a reason."

"That's unfair shit, Robuttnik." Sonic growled as his nemesis chortled.

"Yeah!" Tails jumped onto the desk. "You're probably hiding their beer unless they let you take over South Island, right?"

Robotnik laughed and jumped over the desk. "Not really! Would I give them beer in exchange for their Dr. Peppers?"

"Yes!" said all the SWATbots, in unison.

Robotnik facefell, then got back up. "Listen up, Spikeball! The entire Planet Freedom is at risk here!"

"Nuh-uh! We live on Planet _Mobius!_" Sonic corrected.

"Well, what about little Sara here?" Robotnik indicated the President's whiny daughter.

"This whole thing sucks!" Sara whined.

"I, uh... I think he has a point there, Sonic." The President looked desparate.

"Fine." Sonic was getting relaxed on the desk. "Give us the shizzat."

"Thank you, Sonic, I will!" Robotnik produced a hologram of Mobius. "As you all know well, Planet _Mobius_ is made up of two separate dimensions. The outer one you happen to live in is known as the Fancy Lit-Up Land..."

"The continents never floated before!" objected Sonic.

"Shut the hell up, Spikeball!" Robotnik spat. "Anyway, the inner dimension is the Slighty-Dark Land. There, I was just minding my own business in the city of Robotropolis, when this hunk of junk named Metal-Robotnik came in from the village of Nowhere and had his SOB army of robots kick me out of my house. Then, he screwed around with my Robot Generator, which happens to create the city's electricity and is not to be confused with my Roboticizer which makes my robot slaves. Either way, it's running amuck, and the excess electricity is unable to be stored for some reason. Unless someone does something about it by tomorrow's sunrise, there will be a BIG BOOM!" The doctor looked around and saw that everyone else fell asleep during his flashback. "Fine! You've ruined my speech!" He popped the hologram with a pin, waking everyone up.

"How exactly are we supposed to avoid this Big Boom?" asked the President.

"I figured that I should send the Fastest Thing Alive into Robotropolis and stop the generator." Robotnik pointed a finger at the hedgehog. "Since I'm not willing to make any more Sonic Tonic, I called you up, Sonic!"

Sonic continued to rub his nose. "I got my beach chair wrecked for this! Screw it, Robo-butt; you make me bust my ass in every game."

The President broke free of the SWATbots. "No no no, Sonic! He's talking about a Big Boom he _hasn't_ intended! It will blow up Mobius if you don't get moving!"

Sonic sighed, not paying any attention.

Sara broke free too. "Please, Sonic! If you save the planet, I'll give you some noogie!"

Sonic jumped off of the desk. "No chance, Sara! I already have _four_ girlfriends; I don't need another one!"

"But what about the well-being of Mobius?" Tails asked. "Don't you care about _that?_"

"Uh!"

"Don't you?" asked Sara.

"Don't you?" the President repeated.

"Fffffine," muttered Sonic.

"Excellent!" proclaimed Tails.

Robotnik placed some sort of wrist-watch on Tails' wrist. "You're gonna be needing this, sprout. It's a navigator-watch that should get you to Robotropolis. Just like in the 'Looney Tunes' movie!"

"That's nifty!"

"Let's get goin' and stop some snivellin'!" said Sonic.

Sonic and Tails headed back to their plane and took off into the sky. Sonic was somehow able to stand on the wing without falling off.

"Hey, did you refill the gas while we were at the President's?" he asked Tails.

"Of course I did! Just 'cause _your_ name's engraved on the side doesn't mean _I'm_ not mature enough to handle the plane!"

"I guess so."

"Geez, I hope we get some root beer out of all this."

0-0-0

Back at the President's house, Robotnik and Sara were playing a fighting video game on some sort of hologram projector crossbred with a Sega Saturn. Because Sara was a totally inexperienced player, Robotnik easily beat her. In the background, some SWATbots fanned the President while another one washed the windows.

Sara kicked and screamed. "No no no no no noooo! You rotten SOB! You never let me win! Let's play one more time."

Robotnik threw his controller on the ground. "Forget it! I'm sick of hearing you bitching and whining just 'cause you suck at this!"

"I'll tell Jen about this."

"OK, start again." Again, Robotnik kicked her ass.

Sara kicked and screamed again. "No no no! It simply can't be done! I quit! I wanna go to Disneyland."

"No way! That's in a whole other state!" Robotnik didn't like putting up with Sara's whining.

"No no! I wanna go to Disneyland _now!_"

Suddenly, a giant robot crashed through the wall and opened its stomach compartment.

"What the hell--!" The President looked up from his SWATbot harem.

"Woohoo! This kicks ass, Robotnik! I get to drive first." Sara jumped into the robot.

Robotnik chuckled, not noticing his right glove was missing at the moment. Then he jumped into the robot. "No, you little DOB! Keep your grimy paws off..." The stomach compartment closed and the robot took off.

As one of the SWATbots held up a sign saying "Bye Sara", the President climbed over his desk. "No! You took my cocoa butter!"

0-0-0

In the meantime, Sonic and Tails were still flying. Suddenly, the wind got unfriendly as they took notice of a hurricane-thingy that had appeared from out of nowhere.

"Whoa!" said Sonic. "That must be the front door to the Slightly-Dark Land!"

"Yeah, and now the winds just got unfriendly!" Tails stated the obvious again. "What a time for us to find the place!"

They flew right into the vortex, during which Sonic nearly fell off the wing. They crashed the plane right onto a cliff. But even though this is an anime I'm parodying, they somehow survived.

"You okay, Tails?" Sonic asked.

"Oh sure, I'm fine, but how are we going to fix the Tor-" Tails suddenly gasps at the panorama in front of them.

"So _this_ is the Slighty-Dark Land."

"Then that means Robotropolis isn't far behind!"

"Let's go then!"

So they dashed off in search of Robotropolis, all the while passing through all sorts of dangers those of you reading this might recognize from the games, ranging from spikes to Caterkillers and Buzzbombers.

"Ugh! This stinks!" Sonic griped. "I haven't seen one chili dog stop this whole trip!"

"But we're looking for Robotropolis, not a fast food joint!" Tails checked his watch. "Besides, there's a warp zone right ahead."

"Good idea!"

So they went through the warp zone and ended up in some sort of dark version of New York City.

"Where the hell are we now?" Sonic asked.

"Well, the navigator tells me that this is the city of ancient relics." Tails explained.

"Relics? Preposterous! This looks more like New York City than Egypt."

"Well, Robotropolis can't be far away now. Why don't we just stand on a skyscraper and look for it?"

"Okey-dokey." Sonic dashed up a skyscraper and looked to see buildings sinking into ocean. "Hey, are these the relics you just mentioned?"

"Yeah," said Tails, "and the Robot Generator's probably causing reactions under the ground to do that!"

"Uh, I knew that!" Sonic looked annoyed.

Just then, lightning struck in the background. Tails clung to Sonic. "Auuugh! SOB lightning!"

Sonic dashed back down to ground and ran straight ahead. "Ugh, this place better have a tavern."

Tails followed. "Maybe you should've asked Robotnik that."

They were suddenly knocked away by an big explody beam that came from out of nowhere. As they picked themselves up, they could see a gigantic robot in the likeness of Robotnik appearing in front of them, cackling like some other anime villain.

"Uh, are you Metal-Robotnik?" Tails asked.

"Yeah, I'm Metal Robotnik," the behemoth replied. "You were expecting the ghost of Lord Farquaad possessing Woody Woodpecker?"

"No, we were expecting you to let us pass," said Sonic as Tails made an inappropriate gesture. "Move your dumb ass!"

"You'll pay for that language!" Metal-Robotnik revealed his guns and shot at Sonic & Tails unsuccessfully. "Let me shoot you!" he yelled. "I'm missing 'Jerry Springer'!" Sonic tried to kicks Metal-Robotnik in the head, but he only succeeded in hurting his foot. "Ha! This armor will be the mustard that makes the sandwich of your doom!" When he said that, Tails flew in front of him. Metal-Robotnik tried to swat him, but Tails dodged just in time, and the giant ended up hitting himself in the face. "Aaagh! Sonuva..." he cursed.

"Ha ha!" Sonic & Tails laughed.

"You little SOBs!" Metal-Robotnik started blasting again as they hide behind a bus. "Come out, come out, wherever you are..."

"We can't mess with this guy now!" said Sonic. "We gotta stop the Robot Generator."

"Wait a sec... it's just past that highway that wasn't there before!" Tails pointed to the highway in question.

"Nice plot deduction!"

"Thanks, pal!"

"Yo, Black-Eggman!" Sonic called as he and Tails got on top of said highway.

Metal-Robotnik faced them. "_WHAT!_"

"This battle's putting us behind schedule, so we'll squeeze you in later." Sonic gave his gigantic adversary the middle finger as Tails stuck out his tongue.

"_Don't call me that!_" Metal-Robotnik growled as he unfolded wings and activated his jets, ruining a perfectly good cape in the process.

"OH, CRAAAAAP!" Sonic & Tails dashed off, with Metal-Robotnik flying after them.

"Why does everyone get to fly but me?" Sonic whined.

"Aaaah!" Tails screamed as Metal-Robotnik attempted to grab him. "He wants my balls!"

"Let's do it to it, then!" Without noting that it would question his sexual identity, Sonic grabbed Tails by the hand and zoomed off. Metal-Robotnik blasted the bridge, making a huge gap in front of them. Sonic & Tails stopped just in time. "That had to be close!" gasped Sonic.

Metal-Robotnik stood over them with his gun raised. "Oh, you sure? It's really unfortunate that you two are aquaphobic, is it not?" And he blasted the ground they were standing on, causing them to fall into the gap.

Aaaaah!" Sonic & Tails managed to grab onto the girders underneath. Hanging for dear life, they made drowning noises. "We can't swim 'cause Sega doesn't know good characters abilities!" Sonic muttered.

"Well, I guess that's one thing to scratch off my to-do list," they heard Metal-Robotnik saying.

"Ha! What an idiot!" Tails taunted to himself.

"Yeah! What a chump!" said Sonic.

Lightning struck again. "Iiiee!" Tails clung to Sonic again.

The hedgehog looked annoyed. "Not again..."

They tried to progress onwards, but they suddenly heard Metal-Robotnik's voice again. "Peek-a-boo, I see 'ou!" His thundering voice startled Tails. "You must think my IQ is 2, right?" And he started shooting glue at them through his butt.

"What's this supposed to be?" Sonic picked at the glue-stuff. "Cheese boogers?"

Tails was suddenly hit and nailed to a fence. "Crapmonkeys!"

"Crapmonkeys?" repeated Sonic.

"I like the names you've suggested - Crapmonkey Cheeseboogers!" Metal-Robotnik fired missiles at Sonic, causing an explosion. Not far away, this explosion caught the attention of Knuckles, who happeeds to be digging outside the city, and was wearing an Aussie hat. Back in the fray, Metal-Robotnik approached Tails. "Now to carve your name on your grave, Foxy."

"You still have the Powerpuff Girls to worry ab-" Tails suddenly noticed Sonic coming in on one of the missiles. "Oh, never mind!"

"Take this, Black-Man-Who-Isn't-Black!" shouted Sonic.

Metal-Robotnik let out a little girl scream and tried to run, but he got hit in the back by his own missile, which Sonic jumped off of just in time. Then it started to rain.

"Why's it raining?" Tails asked.

But instead of answering his little buddy's question, Sonic noticed he had landed his feet in some of the glue from one of the previous missiles. "Aw no..."

Metal-Robotnik stepped forward, crushing the ground underneath his feet. "You may be the fastest thing alive, but when you're not, you're just an ordinary slow-mo. I can't believe you dared to challenge me!"

"Sonic!" Tails squealed. "I have to take a dump!"

Metal-Robotnik prepared to shoot Sonic, but he was suddenly knocked down by...

"Knuckles!" Tails shouted the red echidna's name.

"Expecting Sonic's siblings?" Knuckles glided away after freeing Tails.

Tails tried to hover but couldn't. "No, but you could've unstuck my tails!" That's when he saw a piece of metal fall off of Metal-Robotnik. "Oh, goodie!" He grabbed it and used it as a surfboard. "Surf's up!"

"Hey, this ain't fair!" whined Metal-Robotnik as he fought Knuckles.

Tails tried to free Sonic, who was water-logged at the moment. "Keep breathing, idiot!"

Knuckles dodged Metal-Robotnik's fire, only to step in some glue himself. "Aw, shit!" he muttered.

Metal-Robotnik tried to shoot, but nothing came out. "No buwwets weft? Well, I still have this, laughing boy!" And he grabbed Knuckles with his shooting hand.

But at the point, Tails heaved Sonic from the glue. The mutant hedgehog then sawed off Metal-Robotnik's hand, saving Knuckles. "Thanks for helping, Knux," he said.

"Shouldn't it be the other way around?" nitpicked Knuckles.

"Hhhhh, there goes my insurance." Metal-Robotnik took off into the thundering sky.

"Hey, come back here, you big turkey!" Sonic taunted.

"You'll pay my insurance when next we meet!" Metal-Robotnik called back.

"That's what he thinks!" Knuckles glided through the air after Metal-Robotnik, pulling Sonic along with him. Sonic spin-dashed through the flying robot, causing it to explode and fall into the ocean.

Upon that, Robotnik and Sara pop their heads out. Apparently, they had been inside the robot the whole time, and somehow, Sonic's attack didn't kill them.

"So, Sonic thinks he's invincible just 'cause he stopped Metal-Robotnik?" Robotnik bit. "Well, he'll be one sorry glory hog when he reaches Robotropolis!"

Sara hits him on the head with a metal pole. "You listen here, Ivo! I may not have sexual interest in Sonic, but you'd better not hurt him!"

0-0-0

Sometime later...

"Thanks for saving our butts, Knuckles," thanked Sonic.

"Yeah, it's not every day you run into people you know when you're hunting for treasure on a whole other dimension." Knuckles slung his treasure-hunting bag over his shoulder.

"Your chair got wrecked too?" Tails asked.

"Not really, but there's big chocolate-covered ants somewhere." Knuckles licked his lips.

Just then, the clouds parted and the sun started to set. In the distance, the three mutants could see a complex city with its lights forming the shape of Robotnik.

"Oh my god!" gasped Tails. "Our timer's running low!"

"Isn't that Robotnik's house over there?" asked the sunglasses-wearing Knuckles.

"It is! Smell ya later, Knux!" Sonic ran off.

"Yeah! Bye!" Tails flew after Sonic. They hadn't gotten very far when Knuckles caught up with them. "Hey, what are you-"

"This is my animated debut; I wanna make the most of it!" Knuckles glided ahead of them. "Besides, I'm not gonna be this nice to you on 'Sonic X'."

"You got a point, Knuckles!" Sonic spin-dashed after him.

Tails followed, laughing on crack again.

* * *

Yep, because these script-to-story transitions take such a while to do, I'm splitting this parody into two chapters. I'll post the rest tomorrow! 


	2. Sonic VS Some Robot Who Resembles Him

**Author's Note:** OK, here's the second half of the parody. Enjoy!

* * *

Soon afterwards, Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles found themselves standing at the entrance of Robotropolis. "Man, Robotnik has such a cool house!" Sonic commented.

"Yeah!" added Tails. "Why can't _our_ place be like this!"

"Hey, I thought we were here to shut down the generator?" reminded Knuckles.

"Oh yeah!" Sonic remembered.

As the three of them dashed down the hallway, Tails looked at his wristwatch. "I'm gonna try and get this thing some more ringtones."

"Fine." Sonic didn't seem to care.

"You guys gettin' thirsty up there?" Knuckles glided behind them.

"Yeah, I've been whining for beer this whole journey!" said Sonic.

"Well, hold it in! Ha ha!" Knuckles laughed. But he suddenly blasted at by the snail-like Badninks from Sonic 3's Launch Base Zone. "Those little buggers are gonna pay dearly for that!" he swore.

"Good luck, then!" Sonic dashed into the room with the Robot Generator, which was about to explode in twenty seconds. Alarms were going off endlessly, and the entire room was flashing red. Despite being the fastest thing alive, Sonic couldn't quite reach the Generator's shut-off handle because of a conveyor belt he had run on to. Tails smacked into his back. "Tails, you moron! Fly!"

"Thank you, boss!" Tails flew up to the switch and tried to pull it. "But it's too big to pull!"

Sonic ran towards the switch, looking like he had the runs. It didn't look like he was going to make it.

"OH, YEAH!" Knuckles suddenly smashed through the wall behind them. He threw Sonic up to the switch, allowing the hedgehog to knock it into the "off" position and shut down the generator. As a result, the whole city darkened. Except, strangely, the conveyor belt, which Knuckles was now stuck on. But not only that, Sonic was suddenly trapped in a prison pod. "Y'know, this isn't making my job any easier!" Knuckles called as he slipped about on the belt.

Tails flew and looked at the prison pod, not seeming to do anything about Sonic's apparent electrocution. But then, the Robot Generator fell apart, taking part of the floor with it. The whole room went dark as Sonic fell down to what was left of the floor. Knuckles caught him, and Tails flew by them. "You think this means the end of - Aah!"

Tails was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a blue sphere on the other side of the room. "What the hell's happening now?" Knuckles asked.

After a while, the sphere blew up, covering the whole room with smoke. When it cleared, Metal Sonic had appeared in front of the trio, staring right at his fleshy counterpart.

"Hey, it's that robo-Sonic from Sonic CD!" Tails stated the obvious again.

"Shouldn't we be pretending this is our first encounter?" nitpicked Knuckles.

The voice was Dr. Robotnik was suddenly heard from out of nowhere, laughing like an idiot. "I'M A PEPPER! HA HA HA!"

"Who said that?" said Knuckles.

"A logic freak?" said Tails. Sonic was too busy staring at Metal Sonic to pay attention to the voice they had just heard, or the stars turning into fireballs in front of them.

Just then, Metal-Robotnik reappeared, supposedly rising out of the ground. "Ha ha ha ha ha..."

Tails whimpered. "Call the Ghostbusters!"

Metal-Robotnik suddenly fell apart, as it turns out he was being held up by hundreds of SWATbots.

"Oh, never mind." Tails sweated.

Sara the whiner came out of the rubble, pulling Robotnik by his moustache. "Get your ass out of my belly button, Eggman!"

"Oh, _please_ don't call me that!" Robotnik whined.

"Sara?" Sonic was weirded out at her appearance.

"What the hell are THEY doing here?" Tails asked.

"I get it!" Knuckles pointed an accusing glove their way. "They're having an affair!"

Sara cried like the bitch she is, much to Robotnik's embarassment. "You should've said something different," teased Tails.

"No, no, no!" Sara whined. "Robotnik never really intended on letting you all have _any_ rewards! He made you go here in order to _kill_ you!"

Sonic got angry. "What's with this prohibition crap, Ivo!"

"Ha ha!" Robotnik stuck out his own tongue. "I tricked you with the promise of beer so that you could be led to your own death. How would you like your funeral observed?"

"Oh, really now?" Sonic dashed at Robotnik, but stopped when Metal Sonic appeared in front of Robotnik.

"Oh, crapmonkeys..." Tails repeated himself.

"I, Dr. Julian 'Ivo Robotnik' Panchito Felipe Saki Pussy Jenson Kintobor have created the Hyper Metal Sonic!" the doctor declared.

"Hyper?" Tails nitpicked that word. "You're joking! It doesn't even _look_ flashy!"

"Well, you try picking out a name to make something old look new! So let's just call him 'Metal' for short." Robotnik explained. "Anyway, I was just transferring Sonic's DNA to this thing rather than electrocuting him earlier, so now it's ready!"

"That doesn't look like it's gonna win any robot contests, Ivo!" Sara criticized.

"What contest? I just want him to kill Sonic and then destroy the Fancy Lit-Up Land." Robotnik declared.

"Destroy our homes!" Sara waved a metal part at him again. "I'm gonna call Teamo Supremo about this!" Some SWATbots came in to shut her sassy mouth.

"GIVE US BACK OUR BEER, ROBUTTNIK!" Sonic insulted his nemesis.

"Okay, Spikeball, I'll give you some beer... if you have a chance..." Robotnik stepped back. "...of beating Metal here." And with that, Metal Sonic took a look at his targets.

"This shouldn't be tough," bragged Sonic. "Darkwing Duck does this all the time."

The fight began. Sonic and Metal Sonic took off into the air, trying to kick the crap out of each other. "Great," Knuckles grumbled. "We get to watch a fight, but we don't get any beverages till it's over."

Robotnik watched in his robo-pod with a bound and gagged Sara. "At last I have an invention that will put me on national television! Screw you, FoxBox!" he said as Metal Sonic headbutted Sonic in the back.

"Oh crud, I still haven't dumped!" whined Tails.

As Metal Sonic caught Sonic by the leg and broke out of the ceiling, Robotnik laughed like an idiot again. "Goooooooooooo Metallu!"

Tails tried to fly after them, but Knuckles grabbed him by the ankle. "Wait, Tails! Hang on there."

"But we gotta--"

"Forget it. So long as I'm holding you down, we can't chase them. Capishe?" Just then, a chunk of rock came falling down. They narrowly avoided it as it crashed right into Robotropolis. "Didn't Robotnik say something about destroying the Fancy Lit-Up Land?"

Up above, Robotnik untied Sara. "Sorry to have disturbed you, but someone just had to shut your sasshole up."

"Well, nice try! I'm never gonna stop bitching till things go my way!" Sara whined.

"Well, what about the fight going on now?" Robotnik said gayly.

Sonic managed to fly away from Metal Sonic and positioned on a small mountain. "Where'd that little mother- Uh!"

Metal Sonic booted Sonic into the ground below, which would surely have killed him. At least, that's what it looked like.

"I don't believe it; I've won!" Robotnik, who had been watching this on his screens, laughed even harder than before. "Now all the Dr. Pepper on Mobius is mine! MAY I TAKE YOUR HAT, SIR!

"What do we do now, Tails?" Knuckles asked as Tails flew back to the warp zone.

"Head back home and gather the spare beer, that's what!" Tails answered, ignoring the tear in his eye.

"But Sonic still owes me his..." Before Knuckles could finish his sentence, they entered the warp zone.

0-0-0

Back on that island at the beginning of the story, Oldman had made himself comfortable on the beach, despite it being night. Hey, he was an owl. "I wonder why the local liquor store's not open at this hour." As he said that, he suddenly noticed Metal Sonic coming his way, but didn't notice anything strange about how he looked. "Oh, are you back already, Sonic? ... Uh, did you get drunk? Wait! I'm not gay! DON'T TOUCH MEEEEE!"

0-0-0

In a forest somewhere, Sonic, who had landed in a conveniently-placed shrubbery, regained consciousness. "Ooooh, what a hangover. That must've been some serious beer the President had earlier..." Just then, he pictured his robotic counterpart flying at him. "Wait; that was no hallucination!"

0-0-0

Elsewhere, the President of Mobius watched as the cities of Mobius were being destroyed. But he didn't seem to care. _I wonder if Robotnik ever realized he took my cocoa butter..._ he thought.

0-0-0

Yet another meanwhile later...

"AW, CRAP!" Knuckles yelled at the sight of the now-trashed island hideout, which he and Tails had parked the Tornado in front of. "That no-good SOB Robotnik blew up the house while we were away! Good thing no one was in there."

"WAIT! WE LEFT OLDMAN WITH ALL THE BOOZE!" Tails ran into the wreck. "Oldman! Where the hell'd ya go!"

"You sure he was in here?"

"Oldman, you didn't take our booze, did you?"

Oldman showed up behind them, wearing rather silly clothes. "I'm over here, chump! I saw an 'Inspector Gadget' marathon."

"Hey, Sonic may not dress often, but he's gonna kill you when he sees you in his favorite clothes!" threatened Tails.

"Don't be silly! He took me out for beer last night and then flew away to steal some arcade cabinets!" Oldman laughed.

"Steal arcade cabinets?" Knuckles & Tails looked at each other. "...METAL!"

0-0-0

In the sky, Robotnik laughed at the expense of the Fancy Lit-Up Land. "Oh yes! It won't be long now, and the Fancy Lit-Up Land will soon be gone. Now for phase 3½ of my operation..." And he pulled a wedding dress from out of nowhere. "Here y'go, Sara. I got this at David's Bridal."

"Yabba-dabba-doo!" said Sara.

0-0-0

Again, at the good guy hideout, Tails tinkered with his navigator. "Will you stop fooling with that!" Knuckles grouched. "We gotta go find Sonic, even though we don't know if he's alive or not!"

"Rotor's not here," Tails explained, "so I have to re-arrange the microchips myself so this thing works to our advantage."

"Oh, so you think you can actually find them? But what if they're in different chili dog stands?"

"Oh, they'll head for the same chili dog stand, no doubt."

"Why are you telling me this!"

"I recall Robotnik saying he programmed Sonic's DNA into Metal Sonic. Therefore, Metal Sonic most likely also has an appetite for chili dogs and affection for squirrel princesses. And obviously the same fashion sense and ways of pulling pranks on Oldman."

"Even though he's an automation and not a biomation?"

"Pretty much. He's felt every single bloody pain that Sonic's ever endured, and vice versa. He could be the twin brother Sonic never had."

Knuckles looked burned out. "You sounded like Princess Sally there..."

0-0-0

Over at someplace completely different, the President watched various scenes of misfortune on his monitors. "**These cities are currently being ruinated, but why should I care?**" said a voice heard all over the room. "**I'm just a computer.**"

"Hey sir! Check this shizzat out!" An unnamed servant made the computer zoom in on a picture to show Metal Sonic's silhouette.

"Hey, that looks almost like Sonic!" said the President. "Get the phone working!"

"Couldn't you do it yourself?" said the servant, not moving his lips.

Over at Sonic's hideout, the phone rang. "If that's an insurance salesman on the other line, curse him!" Knuckles was busy tinkering with the plane.

"What's wrong with you people? Don't you ever answer the phone?" The President watched as Oldman answered the phone. "Oh no, it's that idiot! Isn't there anyone sensible to speak to?"

"You got a temper problem?" Knuckles responded.

"Who are you?"

"I'm an old friend of Sonic's. But not in the sexual sort."

"Good then. Can you explain to me what happened after Robotnik took my cocoa butter!"

"Haven't you been reading the script, Mr. Prop Guy?"

Oldman stopped dancing like an idiot. "Oh, hi, Prez!"

"What!"

0-0-0

Back wherever she was, Sara was wearing the wedding dress that Robotnik had pulled out. "So am I ready enough for a close-up?"

"For someone like you, yes." Robotnik had somehow changed into a cyan bowtie.

"So why are we dressed so fancily?"

"Well, I want to get laid after the Fancy Lit-Up Land is destroyed," Robotnik adjusted his bowtie, "and since you're the only female character in this story, you're my choice."

Sara went into a fantasy of what it would be like being married to Robotnik. Despite the fact that he was the same species as her, she didn't seem to like the idea. She growled at him and shook him crazily, scratching his face as she did so. "YOU'RE BLOODY CRAZY! I'd rather be a lesbian than take your last name!"

0-0-0

While that was going on, Tails explained to the President everything that happened with him and Sonic since they entered the Slightly-Dark Land.

"So _that's_ why I never got my cocoa butter back," said the President. "At least that creature didn't destroy it!"

"He _could_ destroy the Fancy Lit-Up Land." Knuckles pointed.

"He could!"

"Yeah. I've been traveling around Mobius for quite some time, and I discovered something. I can't quite remember it all, but it goes something like this. The northern tip of the planet has links of ice, and I think there's blood vessels underneath. Or maybe they're magma tunnels that seem reminiscent of blood vessels. If the ice links or blood vessels or whatever are blown up by an explosion or something, I think the magma's supposed to melt the ice and send the Mobius continents into space where they'll all have Big Booms."

The President looked horrified. "That didn't make a lick of sense!"

"Well yeah, but we can't let Sonic know about it." There must have been a good reason for Tails to not want Sonic to know what was going on.

"Why can't I know?" Sonic was standing above and behind the President.

The President turned around. "Oh, it's a-you, Sonikku!"

"It's so that Tails and Knuckles can save the day and get the glory, ain't it?"

"NO!" Tails shouted over the phone. "That's not it at all, Sonic!"

"**This robot you're discussing just turned northward,**" said the computer voice.

"Que?" said Sonic, with no sign of a Spanish accent.

"Tails, there must be a good reason you don't want Sonic to know! Right?" The President heard Sonic speeding off, and turned to see that he had already left. "Sonic? Tails, I don't think you can tell him now!"

"Crapmonkeys!" said Tails & Knuckles simultaneously.

"We'll just have to go after Metal Sonic ourselves."

0-0-0

Meanwhile...

"This monitor that Sega provided gives me all I need to watch!" laughed Robotnik. "Now it's off to the North Pole to watch the destruction of Mobius."

"NO NO NO!" Sara kicked and screamed. "I'D RATHER MARRY A GAY MAN THAN YOU!"

"Oh, be quiet! I've already had enough girl problems before," remarked Robotnik as they vanished into another warp zone.

0-0-0

Meanwhile (again), Tails & Knuckles were taking the Tornado to the North Pole. "Keen gear!" Tails showed off his new-and-improved navigator watch. "Now we can hack into Metal's memory and make him do our biddings!"

Knuckles was standing comfortably on the wing. "Hey Tails, are we gonna see Santa Claus when we get to the North Pole?"

"I don't think so; he retired in the Christmas special, remember?"

"Oh yeah..."

0-0-0

Meanwhile (for hopefully the last time), Metal Sonic arrived at the North Pole and begans destroying the ice links. But just as he was reveling in his victory, he saw Sonic coming his way.

Sonic stopped running and looked at the inferno in front of him. "Shit! I got here too late! Too bad I haven't yet made up with S - huh?" Metal Sonic had ambushes him from underground. "So I guess now we can _really_ fight. That loss back there was just a fluke."

Metal Sonic beeped in reply, mimicking Sonic's nose-rubbing.

"What? You're telling me Mobius isn't big enough for the two of us?"

Metal Sonic nodded, and beeped as if saying "Precisely."

"Well, maybe the planet _is_ big enough, but... let's do this anyway!" Sonic began fighting Metal Sonic again, eventually trying to headbutt each other. "You may think you're all that, but I'm actually more popular because I have more girlfriends than you do! Strange, isn't it!"

They jumped into the air simultaneously, eventually hitting Robotnik's pod, which had just teleported in.

Robotnik looked at Sonic, who was making uncomfortable stances: "Oh crap! Why can't you ever die and stay dead! And why are you twitching like that?"

Sara was kicking at Metal Sonic, who was looking up her dress at the moment. "You cheesebooger pervert! Get your head away from my ass!"

"Oh, you're trying to do everything Metal's doing! Now to kill you!" Robotnik attempted to grab Sonic, who jumped out of the way. Because Robotnik's weight shifted the pod, Sara fell out.

"Serves her right!" said Sonic as Metal Sonic put a lucha libre hold on him.

"Oh no!" wailed Robotnik. "My one chance at getting laid!"

"Whoo!" Down below, Knuckles caught Sara. "Well, hel-lo."

"Why'd you do that?" Sonic asked angrilly.

"Look out!" Tails came flying in, knocking the two Sonics apart.

"Lousy biplanes! They'll be the death of me yet!" Robotnik launched his fancy tortoise- and hare-shaped missiles, the latter of which blew up the Tornado, and sent Tails careening into the nearby mountain. "Eeeeeyes! Huh?" He could see that his tortoise-shaped missile had barely left the ship. "Ohhhhh! I knew I should've gone for the cheetah design!"

At the bottom of the mountain, Sara laughed wildly as Knuckles slipped and slid on the ice. "Hey, riding in someone's arms as he slides on ice is SPIFF!" she said, and kissed Knuckles, causing him to fall down. "Being a SegaSonic girl is great, 'cause you can take action _and_ whine!"

Robotnik came down and grabbed Sara by her left arm. "There you are! I need someone to take my sperm!"

But then, Tails, who had turned into a snowball from his ride down the mountain, came rolling by, taking Sara and Knuckles and causing Robotnik to fall out of his pod. Eventually, the snowball crashed into a wall near the burning ice links. When it cleared, Knuckles could see that not only had Tails lost his pilot helmet during the crash, but he was grabbing Sara's breasts as well. "Tails! Let 'er go!"

Tails jumped back. "Did I just..."

"What kinda ten-year-old are you!" Knuckles got interrupted by the Sonics fighting near them. "Hey! The fight's not over!"

"And I forgot the booze again!" Tails whined.

"_Metal!_" Sara shrieked. "Give us our weeeeeeeed!"

Metal Sonic hits the ice links again, causing more magma to come spilling out. "If the ice bridge is destroyed, we're screwed!" said Tails. "Just like you said, Knux!"

"Well, what am _I_ to do?" said Knuckles.

"Be threatened to hear my bitching again?" Sara kissed him again.

"Doctress! You have a deal!" Knuckles jumped into the ground and dug around the ice links, somehow stopping the magma flow from melting the ice.

"Woohoo!" said Sara and Tails in unison. "Yay for bad writing!"

"Aw, crap!" Knuckles noticed his hat was burning. "This is my favorite hat!"

But it didn't change the fact that Sonic was getting his ass whipped by Metal Sonic, who then attempted to choke him. "No, no no! That's the real Sonic you're hurting!" Ignoring Knuckles' headwear problem, Sara jumped at Metal Sonic and attempted to beat him up. "I don't care if you like chili dogs and squirrel princesses, YOU'RE BAD!"

"Hang on a sec! If this doesn't work, I'll sue!" Tails opened his navigator and pushed some buttons.

Sara continued her unsuccessful attempt at pummeling Metal Sonic. "I'm not letting you destroy the Fancy Lit-Up Land, BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA BECOME MRS. SARA KINTOBOR!" she revealed.

"Shut up, Sara!" Tails finally reconfigured Metal Sonic, who dropped Sonic and went critical. "Now's your chance, Sonic!" he commanded, and Sonic spin-dashed Metal off the cliff. "How was that?"

"On a scale of one to ten, I give it a C+." Sonic saluted.

"Good enough for me!" Tails saluted back.

Suddenly, a cruiser pod smashed into the glacier wall. The President and Oldman were inside it. "What a lovely car!" Sonic commented, not noticing the passengers.

"Yeah! Why's your dad have such a cool car, Sara?" Tails at least noticed them.

"He must've come for his cocoa butter!" Sara remarked.

"How did _you_ know?" said Sonic. "Well, it would appear he might not get it!"

"Well, he might _die_ from the explosion!" Tails stated the obvious for the umpteenth time.

"I guess we gotta get him out. Here we go, Tails." Sonic had Tails lift him up. "Geez, the things that happen when my beach chair gets knocked over."

"If that things explodes, there'll be hell to pay!" Tails was suddenly knocked down by the reappearance of Metal Sonic. "What the hell-"

"Ugh!" Sonic groaned. "This stupid robot never seems to die!"

"Well, you save the President while I try to get Metal to make my bed!" Tails suddenly had his navigator blasted off his wrist by Robotnik.

"You again?" said Sonic as Robotnik showed up behind them in his pod.

"So, you're using the navigator to make Metal do your chores, eh? Impressive..." Robotnik commented as Tails growled at him. "But now you can't do it no more! Now kill 'em, Metal!"

Metal Sonic blasted at Sonic, trying to kill him again. Along the way, Knuckles popped out of holes like a certain bit in the "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" theme song, eventually getting hit on the head by Sonic. Needless to say, he didn't like that.

After quite a bit of fighting, Sonic threw Metal Sonic at the President's cruiser as Tails and Knuckles were trying to break it open. "Keep going, Knux!" said Tails. "Oldman I don't care about, but we must save the President!"

Metal Sonic hit the ship, which then caused it to explode.

"OLDMAN!" Sara cried, not saying anything about her dad.

"Mr. President!" Sonic _walked_ towards the burning ship. "I don't have your cocoa butter!"

But then Metal Sonic came flying out, carrying the President and Oldman.

"Sonic!" Tails came up to his idol, not changing his words.

Knuckles: "Hey, why's Metal--"

Sonic: "Yeah, why--"

Metal Sonic dropped the two anime team-OCs onto the good guys and fell into the magma below. Sonic jumped in to try and save him, apparently forgetting that this thing had just made several attempts to kill him. "Metallu!"

"No, Sonic!" Tails called. "He's a bad guy!"

"Grab my hand, Metal!" Sonic crawled down to Metal Sonic and stretched it out.

Knuckles came out from under the dirt and grabbed Sonic. "Don't do it, Sonic! Being an evil twin, it's obviously a trap!"

But instead of dragging Sonic down, Metal Sonic slapped his hand away.

"Uhhhhh?" Sonic looked confused.

"**Sonic... I am your brother...**" With his first (and last) words, Metal Sonic then let the lava consume him.

"Aaaah!" Sonic yelled at the sight of his opponent's death. "Must... say..."

"You're gonna say it, aren't you?" expected Knuckles.

"_NOOOOOOOOOOO!_"

0-0-0

Later that day, all the non-villains looked over the remains of the battle. "Don't be so sad, Sonic," said Sara. "It's not good for your reputation."

"Yeah!" added Tails. "Besides, Metal left us his booze supply in his will!"

"Oh, really?" Robotnik, now back in his normal outfit, reappeared behind them in his pod.

"OH, CRAP!" said all the others. Except Oldman. He was too busy looking at the scenery.

"I can always build another Metal Sonic, 'cause I happen to have his data on this CD here!" Robotnik boasted. "My stronger model of Metal Sonic will not have an interest in chili dogs or interspecies dating, and thanks to that, I will conquer Mobius once more! I can see you're all sick of your chances of winning." Just then, his tortoise missile from earlier grabbed the CD. "Hey, where've you been! Uhhhhh..."

But the missile exploded, destroying the CD. Robotnik obviously didn't like that, but the good guys found it funny. "Who cares about that!" guffawed the President. "I can get more cocoa butter at home."

"Yeah, but ya can't get _this!_" Knuckles hit Sonic on the head.

"Wha wah da fuh?" Sonic asked, despite his mouth not having anything in it.

"It's something called payback." Knuckles made a rude face and zipped off.

"What! Get your ass back here!" Sonic ran after the echidna.

"Wait, Sonic! We're supposed to be loading up Metal's booze!" Tails flew after them.

"Why'd you hit me again?" Sonic yelled at the Master Emerald's guardian.

"'Cause you stepped on my head earlier!" Knuckles yelled back at the speedy guy.

"I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"I didn't!"

"You guys always have to ruin my fun, don't you? I'll get you yet! I'll..." Robotnik's pouting was cut short the other characters jumped on him. "Get offa me!"

"Drive after them, Eggman!" Sara demanded. "I still haven't given Sonic my noogie yet!"

"Fine. But don't call me Eggman!" Robotnik drove after the Triple Threat as Sara, the President, and Oldman tried to grab them for reasons I couldn't make out.

"Oops! Looks like we gotta end this fanfic!" Sonic zoomed up to the camera to start the fade-out.

"Wait! _I_ wanna close this up!" Knuckles whined as the story ended.

* * *

This obviously isn't my best parody yet, but what can I say? I just wanted to get this done by the end of the school year! Now that I have, I can resume my attention on my fanart, and more important fanfic projects, like _Marriage of a Teenage Robot_, and more installments of _King Koopa Katastrophe Spoof 2_ and _Dr. Wily's Supreme Takeover!_


End file.
